Tuesday, March 6, 2012
I spent my youth and young adult life in Church. When I raised my children, I thought it was enough to keep them in Church and pray for the things that I needed. I am just now learning that WHAT you pray for is important. In the past, I prayed for comfort. Only now in my ancient years have I learned to pray for how I can please God.
These last couple of months I have struggled with my purpose. I have a boring life with a job that has been on a fast track of changing into one that I do not like in the last year. I am teaching less and less, and I see more and more racism in the workplace. Perhaps it is only fair that white folks are now the victim of racism, but that doesn’t make me feel better about my job. I am not happy at work, and I carry that with me too much. That has influenced how I feel that I could not possibly be fulfilling a purpose in this job, yet I did not know what else to do. It seems silly to leave a job that I am quickly growing to hate without a new direction. Without direction, I still have no purpose.
It is not like I never do anything “good.” I worked hard last month to raise donations to a food drive, and I made it fun for everyone involved. I make people laugh when they feel sadness. I help lost students find their way. Those are things that I do because it makes ME feel good. God’s purpose for me cannot possibly be something that involves that type of selfish gratification.
Today I found purpose. I am not searching for jewels to add to my worldly crown, so I will not detail this experience. It does not matter WHAT I did. It matters that I felt compelled to reach out to someone who just wandered into my office -- my life. I probably did not change this person’s life, but I made today better. That much I know. I feel good about that, too. I don’t feel good that I did this great thing to help another person. I feel good because I know that God walked this young lady into my life, and I helped her because He led me to do so. Now I know my purpose. At least I know my purpose for today. I am sure He will continue to show me purpose in the days to come.
Thank you, Dear Father, for opening my eyes and showing me how I can help Your children.
I am blessed.